A circle touching my circle

A good friend of mine lost someone this weekend, and though I didn't know the person he lost, it has totally rocked me spiritually and emotionally since I heard the news. I think it is partly because of imagining the grief that my friend and others who were close to this person are going through. It just breaks my heart to know what they are going through and to sympathize with them even though I know that I am not even feeling a small percentage of what they are feeling. I think it is also because any time you hear of a death, it just makes you think about your own life and your own world in a different way. It makes you see your worries, pain, and sufferings in a different light compared to what others are suffering. It makes you realize just how fleeting life is.

I also read A Grief Observed by CS Lewis this weekend, and a lot of what he said really hit home because of what I was already on my mind regarding this subject.

Here is one thing, among others, that really hit me. As a Christian, one thing that can be very comforting in a time of grief is that the person who has died has gone on to heaven. Thank God for knowing that and nothing can take away from the relief that one feels knowing that the person is in "a better place". But as much comfort as that is, it doesn't help with the pain of separation that friends and family feel.

CS Lewis, talking about his wife's death, describes his feelings regarding this. "Suppose that the earthly lives she and I shared for a few years are ... spheres or globes. Where the plane of Nature cuts through them - that is, in earthly life - they appear as two circles (circles are slices of spheres). Two circles that touched. But those two circles, above all the point at which they touched, are the very thing I am mourning for, homesick for, famished for. You tell me 'she goes on'. But my heart and body are crying out, come back, come back. Be a circle, touching my circle on the plane of Nature. But I know this is impossible... And the past is the past and that is what time means, and time itself is one more name for death, and Heaven itself is a state where 'the former things have passed away'.

As CS describes, friends and family long for that time that they were able to experience life together with their loved one, and that is the one thing that cannot be given back.

Introductions

Writing is therapy for me, so it doesn't really matter if I have an audience or not. I feel like I am accomplishing something if I can get my thoughts on the page, and if it can benefit anyone in any way that is great, but the best benefit is for me.
These blogs will be about my spiritual journey, which is QUITE the journey. As CS Lewis says, what we call life, our spiritual journey, etc. is all the "ups and downs" that we experience. It is not about trying to categorize blocks of time as being happy or sad or miserable or easy. It is about getting through each moment as best we can, living them one at a time. That is what God wants from us; He wants us to live in the present, doing our best to recognize that each moment is an important part of our journey, whether it is categorized as a "good time" or a "bad time".

29!!!

So, I decided that as part of my countdown I am going to record for each day something that I am thankful for having in my twenties.

For day 30: My awesome parents who have always been there for me, have always loved me unconditionally, and who introduced me to Christ at a young age. Thanks Mom and Dad!!! :)

Countdown

Ok so ... the countdown begins. I realized today that I have exactly a month left of my twenties. I am slightly nostalgic about it, but also very excited about it at the same time. I am nostalgic about leaving a decade of my life behind. My twenties has brought MANY changes, rough spots, and high peaks. My twenties made me into what I am today, and it changed the way I will approach my 30's. I am leaving behind a series of bad choices and consequences and looking forward to a new start. The difference is going to be that I will not rely on my own understanding to make those choices anymore. I am going to trust God and lean on Him to guide me the rest of the way. I know it won't be easy the whole time. I know I will still go through valleys, and I know I will still make bad choices. The difference is that I will NOT take my eyes off of Him. I will not get stuck in the troubled waters and let myself drown. I will keep my eyes on Jesus and keep my faith and trust in Him. I know if I do that He will pull me above all of those rough waters and keep me close to him. Every once in awhile I will get a little wet, feel a little splash on my feet, but it won't last long. All I have to do is reach out to Him again and he will pull me up again. My hope is that there won't be so much of Him having to pull me OUT of the water. I pray that I will be able to stay above the water and actually begin WALKING toward him instead of staying where I am. I want to use this decade of my life to continue with the never ending process of giving up everything to Him. I know the more I do this, the more Joy I will get from Him. I can't imagine loving Him any more or appreciating His character any more than I already do right now, but I know it is possible.

So I feel like I should be doing something to go out of my 20's with a blast, but I'm not sure what it is. Actually, I do have an idea of what it is. More on that later ..... Dum, dum, dum ....

Conversation with a student

So yesterday, after school, I had some students and former students that visited me in my classroom. They noticed I had my phone on my desk so, of course, they had to comment on it:
"Ohhhhh ... you have your phone out!!" on of them said accusingly. Because they aren't supposed to have their phones out, they always like to comment if they see a teacher with one.

To which my response was: "I've been to college. You can have your phone out if you've been to college." Sarcastically, of course.

"Really? Is that the rule?" one of them said innocently. And then it dawned on him. Duh.

"Well, it's kind of an unspoken rule." I told him.

To which another responded, "Unspoken meaning you made it up?"

"Yeah, pretty much" I said.

Ha ha.

"I would die for You"

As I was singing along to a Mercy Me song, part of the lyrics said "I would die for You". As I sang that I felt very humbled because lately I have been having a hard time letting go of things that I know He doesn't want me to be involved in, that are causing me harm, but I can't seem to unclench my hold of. How in the world do I expect to give my physical LIFE to him if I can't even do that??

And then I had the thought that this line doesn't necessarily mean that I would literally give my life for Him, as in die. It most definitely could mean that I would die for him in a figurative sense, meaning I would let my selfish desires die and give, or let go, my life to Him. Doing that, I think, is just as hard as considering the concept of literally dying for Him. It is a struggle EVERY DAY, but it is a struggle that I will eventually get my reward for when he decides it is time to TAKE my life from me.

Thank goodness I know I don't have to try to measure up before I get to that point.